Kid Quotes (1/30)

This happened a few weeks ago, but I forgot about it until someone posted something about lotion on Facebook.
Blake got a cut or scrape or something on his leg.
B: Can we put that stuff on it?
Me: Arnica? It’s not really for this kind of thing. You can’t put it on open wounds.
B: No. The stuff in the bathroom by the sink.
Me: Uh…the aloe?
B: *sigh* No. Come here. THIS. It says it’s healing.
Me: Um…that’s lotion. The only healing it does is for dry skin.
B: Oh.

Jack and I were watching Star Trek: The Motion Picture. (I don’t recommend it, by the way.) It was the first time either of us had seen it. The first couple of minutes are just music with a black screen. No stars, no scene, no credits, nothing. We were talking about how weird that was (little did we know that it was a sign of boringness to come) when Jack said, “It’s a motionless picture.”

B to J: I think I’m smarter than you. In fact, I’m smarter than I think I am.

B to J, after J interrupted him – again: Jack! Just because I interrupt you all the time doesn’t mean you can interrupt me!
B: That didn’t sound as stupid when I was thinking it.

Blake was digging around in the video games and found an older Ben 10 game. He ran over to Jack and I either missed part of the conversation or they’ve discussed it before because Blake said, “You got this when it first came out! You are a lucky man!”

I had a meeting at 10. We woke up at 9:30.
Me: Come on. I need to get you going with breakfast while I jump in the shower.
B, completely serious: I don’t think jumping in the shower is safe. You should just get in like I do. You don’t have to do it exactly the way I do, though.

B: Driving looks hard.
Me: Well, there’s a lot to learn, but after a while, you get used to it and you can do it without paying much attention. Which is actually a problem because most of us don’t pay as much attention as we should when we’re driving.
B: What’s a driver’s license for?
Me: You get a driver’s license after you take tests to show you know the driving rules and laws. You have to prove you can drive safely. Doesn’t mean you actually do, but that you know how.
B: The only driving rules I know are don’t drink, and don’t talk on the phone.
Me: Those are really good ones to know.
B: But they’re the only ones I know.
Me: That’s okay. You’re only six.
He already knows two more safe-driving rules than most people follow.

J: we need milk again.
B: We should get a cow.
Me: Who’s going to milk it?
After trying to pawn it off on everyone else, B: Fine, then. I will.
B: the question is, where are we going I get a cow?
Me: No, the question is, where would we keep a cow?
B: The back yard!

So we’re in the bathroom and Blake’s trying to figure out if he’s sick again or just having a tummy ache, when he suddenly asks, “Mama, why does the word ‘debris’ have an s?”

Two conversations on different days:

B: Do you HAVE to get 10,000 steps?
Me: No.
I was afraid to ask what he was picturing might happen if I don’t get 10,000 steps. What do the Step Police look like?

Me: I got 12,761 steps today.
B: Well, that’s not the worst you’ve done.
Ouch. Tough crowd. Now I know what the Step Police look like.