Kid Quotes (12/14)

B: You know how I’ve been grumpy the past few days…
Me: Have you?
B: Yes, when you weren’t looking.

J: Blake, get off my arm!
B, jumping back: I’m not touching your arm!
J: Yes, you were. You’re oblivious.
B: I am not!
J: Do you even know what that means?
B: It means I want to touch people all the time.
J: No, it doesn’t.
B: Well, whatever. I’m not that!

Jack came home from a weekend camping trip with a lovely virus. At this point, he’s had a fever for two days. Blake isn’t feeling well, either, although he’s in better shape than Jack.
B: I don’t think I’m gonna make it.
Me: you don’t? Oh no! Why don’t you lie down here and let me measure you for a coffin?
He giggled and I walked off make the tea he had requested.
B: Wait! Aren’t you going to do the cough thing?
Me: Coffin. Do you know what a coffin is?
B: It’s what vampires are in sometimes.
Me: It’s what we bury dead people in.
B: Oh. I didn’t know.
Me: I kind of figured that out.

Blake’s voice is pretty much gone today. Jack and I were in the kitchen and I heard what almost sounded like Blake crying, but not exactly.
Me: Blake? Is that you? Why are you squeaking? Are you okay?
B: Yes. That’s just the sound of my sickness.

J: What’s your favorite dinosaur?
B: Tyrannosaurus Rex;
J: T-Rex is so mainstream.

J: Blake! You made me get killed!
B: I didn’t do anything!
J: You distracted me with your snuggley-ness.

B: I decided not to watch Tron. There’s a part I don’t appreciate.

B: The whale shark is the biggest fish. It used to be the megalodon, but they don’t exist anymore. I wonder what the king of the sea is?
Me: Neptune.
B: Oh.
Mom: Confusing kids since 2001.

B, in the shower: Mama, can you look? I can’t open my eyes so I can’t see if there is still shampoo in my hair.
Me: I’m not sure opening your eyes will help with that.

B: I know I’m supposed to use hot water to wash my hands, but I’m just a little kid and I could get burned.

The boys’ 3yo and 4yo nephews were here for the weekend. I walked past Jack’s bedroom, and all the kids were huddled on the bed playing something on the tablet.
J: We’re having a commute.
Me: I…don’t think so.
J: Is that not the right word?
Me: No.
I still have no idea which word he was actually trying to use.

B, after a disagreement with J: I don’t think Jack will ever understand how much I love him.

Watching VeggieTales Celery Night .
Me: Wait. Didn’t Laura used to look different?
B: Yes. They must have got someone new to be Laura.

Jack and Blake were fussing again. Mostly Jack was griping about one of Blake’s habits. (In this case, talking to himself.)
“We all have habits that are annoying. Including you. I’m really tired of you being so mean to him and treating him like something is wrong with him.”
Then Blake chimes in, in his little matter-of-fact voice, “Well, there probably is. I am pretty weird sometimes.”
*End serious discussion.*

Blake spent about ten minutes talking non-stop about Pokemon. Oddly, after years of listening to his brother, there are still things I didn’t know. He finally stopped and said, “That’s enough talking for one day.”
Then waited thirty whole seconds before starting up again.

Blake, when asked why he didn’t finish the last bit of his smoothie: This smoothie tastes like a horror movie.

Jack and I were watching the Star Trek episode in which Spock’s brain is stolen, and Bones just happens to have a device hanging around that allows him to control Spock’s body so they can beam down to find said brain.
Jack: Why do they have a device that allows them to control mindless bodies?
Me: Well, you never know what you’ll need during a five-year journey in space. You have to be prepared.
Jack: Toothbrush. Check. Soap. Check. Device to control mindless body. Check.

Jack, during the same episode: It’s funny how Spock’s face looks exactly the same whether he’s alive or dead.

Me: Jack, tell Blake to get out of the car.
J: Where is he?
Me: In the car.

Jack went back upstairs a few minutes ago after watching Star Trek with me. I wanted to make sure he was off his tablet. (He doesn’t have to go to sleep at any certain time, but the tablets are supposed to be off after 8pm.) I looked in his room, and he was in his bed sideways. Sideways. He’s almost 6′ and it’s a double bed. I just stood and stared for a minute.
J: What are you doing? Making sure I’m not dead?
Me: No. Making sure you’re not on the tablet. Why are you in the bed sideways?
J: Why wouldn’t I be in the bed sideways?
Me: I have no idea.

Blake and Jack were talking about a Pokemon video game.
J: I don’t pay attention to their names. I just know what they look like.
B: You have manners issues.
J: *I* have manners issues? I’m not the one who gets mad all the time.
Me: That’s not manners.
J: And ignores people.
Me: That is manners.
B: I don’t do it ALL the time, Mr. Negative.

Blake, the night before the boys went to their grandparents’ with their dad for Thanksgiving: Mama, I hate to tell you this, but I don’t know what you’re going to do tomorrow.

How you know your kid’s not listening:
Me: Is your dad outside?
13yo: No.
Me: Where is he?
13yo: He’s outside.

(While sick) B, in an entirely too cheerful voice: Well, after I eat my applesauce on toast, I may as well throw it up.
Not sure whether to be impressed by his good attitude or disturbed by his outlook.