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Kid Quotes 4/11/16

I found this in my drafts and it’s dated April 2016. So the kids were 14 (Jack) and 7 (Blake). I have no idea why I didn’t publish it.

J: Speaking of Irish….You know what’s really good? Russian music.
Me: *blank stare*

B: Jack, when you get to the age where you have to move out, what are you going to do with your stuff? How are you going to take your computer?!
Jack is 14.
Me: We’re not kicking him out next week, so it’s okay.
J: There’s a thing called Uhaul. You have to be older to understand the Uhaul.

Blake tripped over the bottom of his chair and after we snuggled and the worst of the pain had passed, he got up.
Me: I don’t see any blood.
B: I see a red spot.
Me: Let me see.
B: It’s not blood. It’s just a red spot.
Me, looking: Yeah, that’s a spot from hitting it. Like if I thumped your leg, you’d have a little red spot for a few minutes.
B: Do it.
Me: What? No. I’d never hurt you on purpose.
B: It was a test.

J: Blake, can I have a Mike or an Ike? And does it matter which one?
B: You can have an orange one.
Me: And you don’t even have to ask its name.
B: They can’t talk.
I’m not sure whether to be frustrated that my brilliant humor is going to waste or amused that he’s so serious.

B: Mama, can you help me find something to eat?
Me: Yeah, I guess. How about these chocolate-covered pretzels?
B: No, they’re not satisfying.

Kid Quotes (8/25)

B: Aren’t all your bones attached to your spine?
Me: Uh, not exactly. That would make walking really awkward.
(He knows how it’s all connected; it’s just the way he phrased it made it amusing.)

We’re currently battling ants in the kitchen. We’re winning the ant war, but we still have a few persistent stragglers. Last night, Dad made the boys milkshakes and didn’t clean the counter off. He also left the top of the ice cream carton on the counter. I walked into the kitchen and said something about how it must be “Be Nice to Ants Day,” then cleaned the counter. Today, Blake and I were talking about the ants, and he said something about the messy counter. I told him I’d cleaned that off before we went to bed.
“Why did you do that? I thought yesterday was “Be Nice to Ants Day.” Continue reading

Kid Quotes (1/11)

B: Hey, Mama, after I drink this, I’m going to watch something with you.
Me: Okay. What do you want to watch?
B: I don’t know.
Me: Well, you think about it and let me know.
B: Okay, but it’s going to be hard to think while drinking.
Me: It often is, son.

We were discussing Christmas wishlists. Jack wants a new laptop. [Spoiler: He isn’t getting a laptop.] He found one that is $570.
B: Why would you want to spend that money on a computer when you could get the Lego Death Star set?

I had Jack send his dad links to the two laptops he’d found (because they won’t be coming from *this* Santa this year). Dad sent him an email back asking him to call him. They’ve been on the phone a while. Blake wants to talk to Daddy, too.
Blake: Jack won’t let me talk to Daddy!
Me: Hang on. Let them finish. Jack will give you the phone when Daddy’s through talking.
Blake: But Daddy never stops talking! Continue reading

Kid Quotes (8/25)

Blake walked up to me holding his finger. I couldn’t see any cuts, bruises, or marks.
B:Mama, when I push on my finger it hurts. See?
I see him push. I don’t see it doing anything.
Me: Then stop pushing on it.
Now he’s happily playing Minecraft. Because the only reason his finger was hurting was that he was squishing it. Am I the only one who has noticed that genius and common sense don’t often reside in the same people? I have the same kinds of issues with Jack.

B: Is three-ten the same as two-seventy?
Me: Um…what?
J: Just say you don’t know. (To B) Mama doesn’t know.
Me: Hang on. I want to know what he’s asking….Can you explain what you’re trying to ask? Because either you’re not asking what you think you’re asking, or the answer is no.
B: There’s sixty minutes in an hour, right? So 3:10 is technically 2:70.
This boy…

B: Why do we even have tongues? For lollipops?
Me: So we can talk and so we can taste….
B: And so we can lick people.

B: My hair is sweating.

B: Fifty plus fifty is one hundred.
Me: Yeah.
B: Six plus six is twelve.
Me: yep.
B: So sixty plus sixty is a hundred and twenty.
Excellent reasoning skills, but can you turn down the smart a little, kid?

B, grinning: I’m cute, aren’t I?
Me: You’re adorable. Come here.
He snuggled up to me, and I told him: You’re cute and smart and sweet….
B: And once again, adorable.
He’s modest, too.

B: They made it harder and annoyinger.

J: Hey, I know! Let’s conga!
I must have made some sound.
J: What? We can’t conga?
Me: Sure. Why not?
A minute later, J: Oh, wait. I don’t know how to conga.
Me: Well, then I guess that’s a no, isn’t it?

The boys are playing hide and seek.
B: I know you’re hiding somewhere!
Me: That’s usually how it’s done.

Book Blast and Giveaway: I’m With You by Taylor Dean

I'm with youI’m With You by Taylor Dean

Can three little words irrevocably change your life?

When the doctors inform Chloe Brennan that her pregnancy is “incompatible with life,” her subsequent choices will change her path forever.

She becomes one of the quiet, unsung heroes of this world, incredibly strong, yet somehow wrongly looked upon as damaged.

Three people will pierce Chloe’s existence: her husband, a stranger, and a precious baby.

One will say goodbye, one will say hello, and one will say both at the same time.

I’m With You is a novel about selfless love and the sacredness of life.

Please note: While this book is a romance novel, it also deals with the sensitive issue of baby loss grief.
The emotions are real, and sometimes dark.
If you are sensitive to this issue, this may not be the book for you.


Praise for I’M WITH YOU:

Continue reading

Kid Quotes (5/2)

B: When I was a kid, I wasn’t careful with knives.

Blake tried kale for the first time.
“Kale’s good. It didn’t make me throw up.”
I suppose if you’re five, that’s the litmus test for vegetables.

B: My peppermint was stuck in my neck.
Me: In your throat.
B: Yes. Which is in my neck, so technically the peppermint was stuck in my neck.
Well, he’s not wrong…

B: Mama, this smoothie is good, but it tastes like wine.
No, he has NEVER had wine. I have no idea where that came from. Also, no, the smoothie did not taste like wine.

2014-05-02 14.08.01
We usually keep those French doors on the left closed. I walked by a few minutes ago and Blake had opened one. “I wanted to feel the breeze in my hair.”
I’m not sure where this refreshing breeze is supposed to come from, but I don’t think opening an extra interior door is going to do it.

B: I didn’t want to bother the time to put on my socks, so I just put on my shoes.

Blake apparently went downstairs while I was in the shower and turned his computer back on (after our power went out). I went down to wake Jack up, but didn’t notice the computer was on.
B: Mama, is my monitor done loading yet?
Me, with a blank look: I don’t know what that means. (As far as I knew, he hadn’t left his video game the whole time.)
B: My monitor! Is it done loading? (Because rephrasing the question and talking louder always makes it make more sense.) On my computer? (Ah! There we go!)
Me: It’s not your monitor. The power went out. You need to turn your computer back on.
B: I know! Is my monitor done loading yet?
Me, after going downstairs to make sure his computer is running and happy after the power outage: Yes, your monitor is all loaded.

This one isn’t a funny conversation, but still something I want to remember later and something I enjoy sharing.

Yesterday, I had to separate the boys because they would not stop bickering, and Jack was starting to get mean (yay, puberty). Blake had fixed himself a sandwich an hour or so earlier, and the bread and peanut butter were still on the table. He came downstairs and asked me to help him with the jelly lid. I did, then came back down. A few minutes later, he called down, asking me to help him with Jack’s bedroom door. (It sticks.) When I reminded him they were supposed to be taking some time apart to calm down, he said, “But I made Jack and sandwich and I can’t open his door.” Jack didn’t want the sandwich, but ate it anyway when B got upset because he didn’t want it.

This morning, I had enough batter to make 1 1/2 batches of pancakes, instead of our normal 2 batches. The boys had 3 each, and I had one small one I’d made with what was left in the bowl. B was eating his last pancake, and was confused because I was eating one.
“I thought you said there was only two more.”
“There were the last two I was cooking then, then I made this little one for me. You each got three, and I got one.”
Handing me his pancake, “Here.”
“Thank you, baby. You eat it. I want your tummy to be full. I’ll make a smoothie in a minute.”
After another couple bites, “Here. My tummy is all full.”

And this is why I don’t send them to boarding school.