Kid Quotes (12/29)

Narrator: Join us as we go on a search for light.
B: You can come to our house. There’s a light right there.

B was pretending to pant like a dog.
J: Blake, stop, you’ll give yourself a heart attack.
B laughs.
J: Seriously. You’ll hyperventilate and raise your bloodlesterol.

B: You know, there are some people who don’t believe in God, Jesus, or Santa Claus.
Me: Well, belief is a very personal thing. Everyone is allowed to believe what they want based on their experience and knowledge. As you get older, you’ll learn more things–
B: And find out they’re real.

We were talking about Krampus today, and I’m not quite sure how this works, but apparently Santa is real and Krampus is not.

The kids are talking about the Harry Potter movies.
B: Didn’t they all get kids at the end?
Like they all just stopped by the store for kids or something….

B: Mama, can I show you something?
Me: Do I have to get up?
B: Sadly, you do.

B: You know about Crohn’s Disease?
Me: Uh, yeah. What about it?
B: It can’t be cured, but it can be handled.
Me: Oh, yeah?
B: Yeah. I think I have it. That’s why I’m always sick.
No more WebMd for this kid.

Blake, standing outside the bathroom door: Aren’t you going to eat?
Me: Yes. I just needed to use the bathroom.
B: Oh, well, I didn’t know you were in the bathroom.

B: You know it’s possible to be too healthy.
Me: No, it’s really not.
B: Yes it is. You can be too healthy.
Me: It’s not possible to be too healthy.
B: Yes it is. If you’re too healthy, you’ll explode.
Me: What? No you won’t. Go eat your ice cream. [We wouldn’t want him to explode.]

B: I think if someone doesn’t believe in Santa, they shouldn’t get gifts.
While I’m trying to figure out the best direction to tackle that from, Jack says: They can get gifts from other people.
J: Yeah, but if they don’t believe in Santa, they shouldn’t get gifts from him.
Me: I’m pretty confident that if someone doesn’t believe in Santa, their gifts don’t come from Santa.
B: Good.

J: So, remember when we were at Books a Million the other day? I’m still wondering about that Donald Trump coloring book. I mean, what is there to color? The wall he wants to build?

B: I wanted to sleep with Daddy tonight, but he’s watching the presidential debation thing.

B: Is is possible to lick your own tongue?
Me: Uh…
B: I bet it is, with enough training.
Me: Okay.

Blake, at the zoo: We can’t leave! We haven’t seen the femurs!

Jack concocted a plan to sell burritos from his coat pockets.
J: If people can sell coat tamales, I can sell coat burritos.
Me: Nobody is selling coat tamales. Your argument is invalid. Besides, everyone knows you’re supposed to sell fake Rolexes from your coat.
J: Why would you sell fake Rolexes from a coat? That makes no sense. Who does that?
Later he told me he’d decided to sell hot water and packs of dried oatmeal. He’s going to call it coatmeal.

J: How many Godfather movies are there?
Me: Three, I think.
J: What’s the third movie called?
Me: I don’t know. The Godfathest?
J: Isn’t the second one Godfather 2?
Me: Obviously.

B: Am I good enough to have a milkshake tonight?
Me: Um…what?
B: Am I good enough to have a milkshake?
Me: Good enough at what?
B: Being sick.
Me: Oh. Yeah, you’re fine. You can have one.
These are the conversations we have in my house. What he was really asking was if his cold was gone so he could have milk products.

B: I just realized! Lego people have the perfect hands for milking cows.

J: That’s a really old book. It came out ten years ago.

B: What else is cilantro used in? Linguini? Wait. Isn’t linguini a type of car?

B: Jack, can I play a game on your computer?
J: No. Get out of my room.
A little later:
B: Mama, can I go out and play?
Me: Yes.
J: No! It’s cold.
Me: He’ll come in if he’s cold.
J: I have to go check on him.
J, dragging B inside: He wasn’t in the backyard. He was in the driveway.
Me: So?
J: He’s only seven!
Me: I played outside unsupervised at that age and younger, and here I am.
J: But what if a bear eats him?
Me: Then I’ll have a really good story to sell to the tabloids. There are no bears around here.
J: Hey, Blake, let’s go play a game on my computer.