Kid Quotes (11/4)

B: Do you know what a fraud is?
Me, not sure I was hearing what he was saying: Fraud?
B: Yeah. You know what it means, don’t you?
Me, curious: What does it mean?
B: It’s like if you get a magic wand out of a cereal box, and try to make a wish, it’s not going to work because it’s fake.
Me: Yes, it is.
B: So are wishbones.
‪#‎lifelessons‬ from Blake: Cereal-box magic wands and wishbones are frauds.

B: I like to talk like Arnold Snortzenegger.

A friend sent the boys a stuffed toy sloth. She couldn’t find a second sloth, so she also sent along an aardvark. This happened the first night:
B is sleeping with the aardvark. When I gave him his melatonin, he asked me if there were ant-flavored melatonin for his aardvark.

B: Peas, peas, good for your lungs. The more you eat, the more you breathe.
Me: Breathing peas never ends well.
J: Peas, peas, good for your spleen. The more you eat, the more you scream.

J: Pie, pie, it’s good for your eye. The more you eat, the more you cry.

B: In Pokémon , legendaries have a tendency to flee from battle.
Me: Oh, yeah?
B: Yeah. 53% of the time.
Me: 53% of the time.
B: Well, it’s actually 78% of the time.
#63%ofstatisticsaremadeup

Blake and I were waiting outside the changing room at Target while Jack tried on jeans.
B: So, you wanna talk about something?

The boys were talking about the differences between British English (or, you know, English) and American English.
B: I can speak British. It’s not that hard.

J: Why didn’t Mr. Smith just get rid of all the payphones in the Matrix?

We were at a birthday party at a friend’s house and the little kids and the big kids were stealing a rolling office chair away from each other. Blake finally decided to return the chair, and told us several times, “I’m taking the chair back now.”
Me: Okay. You don’t have to announce it. Just go do it.
B, as he walks off: Ladies and gentlemen, today I am returning the chair.”
I guess he did have to announce it.

We’re reading about dinosaurs.
B: Wait. What’s that picture?
Me: That’s the flap of skin we just read about. They believe that the dinosaur was able to inflate it to look like that.
B: It changed the shape of its head?
Me: They think so. Inflating that flap of skin would change the shape of the face.
B: To make it more handsome?
Me: …Um…yeah. Mating is one possible purpose for it. So, they may have used them to be more attractive to females.
All these years of learning about dinosaurs with Jack and Blake and this is the first time I’ve heard a dinosaur referred to as handsome.

Jack asked why some of the cars had headlights on during the day, which resulted in a discussion about daytime running lights, automatic headlights (it’s cloudy), and somewhere in there, “most new vehicles have one or both.”
While, as far as I knew, we were still having the headlight discussion, B asks: Is this new?
Me: No, it’s a 2004 model, so it’s 11 years old.
J: He meant the song.
Me: Oh. Yeah, it is. I thought we were still talking about cars.
B: I really liked that movie.

B came running downstairs all excited: On Wii Sports basketball, I beat my enemy!
That boy takes his basketball video games seriously.

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