Kid Quotes (9/27)

B: Beg my pardon. Can you come help me?

I’ve been giving Blake 1mg of melatonin for a while. It doesn’t help Jack. I finally remembered to get a bottle of 3mg, and Jack had one last night.
Me: Did the 3mg melatonin work better? There’s also a 5mg.
J: Not really. I think we need to try the 5mg. If that doesn’t work, I need an elephant tranquilizer.

B was trying to be sad, but he walked down the stairs half-smiling. Seeing him smile made me smile.
B: stop smiling! It’s cautious.
Me: Contagious.
B: it’s infective.
A minute later: B: I can’t stop laughing. Someone control me. No one can control me. I’m a wild beast.

Blake and I were watching “how to draw” videos on YouTube. He wanted to rewatch the end of one.
B: Right there! You got the right spot! You are a great warrior. I salute you.

B, poking at his belly button: Why do I have an innie? I wanted an outie when I was born.
Then he started laughing: Why is it called innie and outie? That’s stupid.

B was playing a video game and something about drinking milk.
J: After you drink it, will the glass be half full or half empty?
B: It’s milk, Jack!

Me: Why don’t you do your presentation with Power Point?
J: I’d rather use the poster board.
Me: You realize that printing the pictures will take a lot of ink?
J: Yeah.
Me: And that ink is really expensive?
J, without missing a beat: Well, yeah. You don’t expect the octopus to work for free, do you?

Blake was talking about video game consoles and he kept mentioning snez.
B: Who made snez?
Me: What?
B: The snez system. Who made it?
Me: I haven’t heard of that.
B: snez. S-N-E-S. Snez.
Me: Super Nintendo Entertainment System.
B: Ohhhhhh.
Me: No one called it snez. It was a Super Nintendo.
B: Ohhhhh.

B: I’m starving.
Adult friend:  Are you really starving?
B: No, I just said that for dramatic effect.

Blake and Jack were talking about getting a pet sloth. Blake said something and Jack said: If we get a pet sloth, it’s going to be mine!
Me: You say that now, but we know I’ll be the one who has to feed it and walk it and change its diaper.
B: Sloths don’t wear diapers.
Me: They do when they’re not potty-trained.
It may be my fault my kids are weird.

Me: I’m thinking a sloth is going to stink.
J: Well, you probably wouldn’t be able to smell it over me, so there’s that.

We were talking earlier and the boys asked me what you had to do to get a “sloth license.” I told them some sort of animal degree was probably required as well as working with a rescue organization. Because why would they let just anyone have a sloth, right? The ones that are here are probably rescues confiscated that were smuggled in. Anyway, the boys are in there looking at sloth pictures on the Internet (I knew letting them use the computer would end up being a problem) and B ran in here to tell me how cute this baby sloth is.
Me: Baby, you realize that we are not ever getting a sloth?
B: Why not? Jack just needs to go to college so we can get a sloth license.

Blake wants to see the eclipse tonight.
Me: We can try, but we can’t usually see stuff from here. There is too much light, we have too many trees, and tonight will be cloudy, which will make it even harder to see.
B: I mean go outside and see.
Me: Yes, I know. But we probably won’t be able to see it.
B: I mean on the porch.
Me: We can try, but we can’t usually see stuff from here. There is too much light, we have too many trees, and tonight will be cloudy, which will make it even harder to see.
B: I mean on the back porch.
Me: Our house isn’t that big. We’d have the same problems on the back porch as on the front porch.

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