Kid Quotes (8/25)

B: Aren’t all your bones attached to your spine?
Me: Uh, not exactly. That would make walking really awkward.
(He knows how it’s all connected; it’s just the way he phrased it made it amusing.)

We’re currently battling ants in the kitchen. We’re winning the ant war, but we still have a few persistent stragglers. Last night, Dad made the boys milkshakes and didn’t clean the counter off. He also left the top of the ice cream carton on the counter. I walked into the kitchen and said something about how it must be “Be Nice to Ants Day,” then cleaned the counter. Today, Blake and I were talking about the ants, and he said something about the messy counter. I told him I’d cleaned that off before we went to bed.
“Why did you do that? I thought yesterday was “Be Nice to Ants Day.”

Blake was asking about my pizza toppings and was getting pretty close to the stone.
Me: Careful. This pan just came out of a 400-degree oven.
B: Eh. Whatever.
Me: it’ll hurt you more than it’ll hurt me, so I wouldn’t be so quick to brush me off
B: It’ll hurt me in the hand, but it’ll hurt you in the heart.

Blake has been wound up to 150% all day. This afternoon at Gamer Club, one of the older kids looked at him wrong and he freaked out. As we were walking to the car, Jack was annoyed and completely serious.
“What would your friends think if I walked up and just started screaming at them?”
Jack is six feet tall and must have been picturing that in his head because he suddenly started laughing and said, “They’d probably think, ‘That’s a big, scary dude.'”

B: Mama! There was a bug!
Me: What kind of bug is it?
B: I don’t know, but it was black and twitching violently.

Me: Come read this description and see if you’re interested in this Engineering class.
J: will they teach us to fly a starship? Do you have to be Scottish to take the class?
#geekkid #beammeupscotty

Blake: Look. I drew Florida and the Florida Keys. How many are there?
Me: A lot. I don’t know for sure.
Me, after looking it up: there are 1700.
B: I’m NOT drawing that many.

Blaket just noticed tonight that there is another cabinet above the towel cabinet in the bathroom. It’s above my head, so way out of his line of vision. Once I opened it, he wanted to look in it so he started dragging his stool over.
B: I’m going to use my skills.
Me: Your awesome mountain-climbing skills?
B: No, I’m just getting my stool.
Apparently, said skills involve using logic.

I should have just recorded this one. This is Blake as “an old man telling a story to five kids at camp.”
Old man: Let me tell you the story of how I came to use a wolf as my leg. One day I was walking through the woods, and someone chopped off my leg. So I found a baby wolf, let him bite my leg, and he’s been chewing on my leg for fifteen years.
Kid: What will you do when the wolf grows up?
Old man: Well, I’ll just find another grown wolf and put it on my other leg so I’ll be an even height.

Jack decided that talking really fast qualified him to be an auctioneer.
Me: There’s a little more to it than just talking fast. And you need to learn it from someone. You don’t just wake up one day as an auctioneer.
J: It’d be a cool job, though.
Me: I’m sure. I don’t imagine it pays very well, though. Unless you work for Sotheby’s or something. They sell stuff like million-dollar paintings.
J: Yelling at rich people all day sounds like a pretty good job.

Jack said something about “the first time ever,” so I sang (not well) “the first time ever I saw your face…”
J: What is that? Is that a real song?
Me: Yeah.
J: Is it like an old people song?
Me: it’s like an older people than me song.
J: So it’s from like 1910?
Me: Dude, you should just stop now.

B: The TV just shut off, but everything else is on.
Me: Um…I don’t know. (I was in the midst of something I couldn’t leave at right away.)
A few minutes later:
B: The TV came back on. I wonder why it shut off. Maybe it was time for that burglar alarm thing.
He was talking about the Emergency Broadcast Alert.

B: I was hiding! Nothing shew.
Me: Shew is not the past tense of show.

B: Can you live without a spleen?
Dad: It’s pretty important, but–
B: I mean, I know it holds you up and everything’s connected to it…
Me: That’s your spine.

B: Jack has one big freckle above his eye.
J: I do?
B: Yeah, but it’s hairy for some reason.
J: That’s my eyebrow.