Kid Quotes (4/23)

On Wednesday, we went to the store and bought snacks and drinks for the trip. The boys wanted Ruffles Cheese and Sour Cream chips (or something like that). The first bag Jack found was a little 6 or 7 oz bag that had been stuck on the shelf in the wrong place so it was the only one he could find. We finally found the bigger bags. The little bag was “Oven-Baked.” The big bag was not. We got the big bag.
Thursday afternoon in the car.
B, turning the bag around and around: Where does it say “reheated?”
J: It was “oven-baked,” and that was the other bag.
I’m so glad Jack can read his brother’s mind, because I had no clue what Blake was talking about.

I’m totally stealing this one because I was there and I can. This is a conversation between my cousin’s wife and their four-year-old son.
Mom says something about her sister.
4yo: Who’s your sister?
Mom: well, who’s your aunt, besides Aunt Laurie?
4yo, After a couple of false starts: Aunt Ann?
Mom: Yes.
4yo: Who’s Aunt Hannah?
Mom: There is no Aunt Hannah.
4yo: Then how’s she your sister?

Darius Rucker: My baby plays the guitar.
Blake: That’s pretty impressive.
Me: Not *that* kind of baby.

J (who is almost 6′ tall at age 13), during a drug commercial: What’s a thyroid?
Me (and Papa_: It regulates your body. Your growth, your weight, your temperature.
J: So my thyroid is really tall?

Blake hasn’t been sick in a while, but of course he got sick during our trip to Arkansas.
B: I wonder what’s making me sick. Do you think I have a parasite?
Me: I don’t think so. You’re not *that* sick and the tests said you don’t have a parasite.
B: What about prion? That’s what causes Mad Cow Disease.
Me: What? Like for real or in a video game?
B: For real.
Me: Why do you know that?
B: *Everybody* knows that.
No one warned me that my kid would be smarter than me by the time he was six. I thought I had a few more years.

The dogwoods or whatever (plants and I aren’t really on a first-name basis) are shedding all over the driveway.
B: What’s that white stuff on the ground?
J: Spring.

B: I looked in my drawer and there wasn’t any underwear in it.
Me: That’s because the underwear is still in the laundry room because you haven’t put it up yet.
B: Oh. I thought it might be Underwear Jesus.
Me: I don’t think Jesus needs your underwear.
B: No, like the underwear god.
Me: probably more like the Underwear Fairy. Like the Tooth Fairy takes teeth, the Underwear Fairy takes underwear. The underwear god would be for–
B: Protecting.
Me: Yeah. Protecting underwear.

B: I have a sore in my mouth. It’s like I bit it, but I didn’t. It’s shaped like a hemisphere.

Blake came down the stairs and I got the urge for a hug.
Me: Can I have a hug?
B: Yep.
After we hug, he turns around and walks back up the stairs.
Me: Wait. Why did you come down here?
B: To give you a hug.
I’m not sure if that was weird or if I just made him forget what he was doing.

Life according to Blake:
Little kid
Big kid
Old person
I was afraid to ask what the age cut-off was for Adult, but there was mention of white hair.

We were putting Blake’s leftover burrito in a to-go container.
B: don’t get that part. That’s the ABC part….What’s ABC mean?
Me: Already Blake Chewed.

B: Do what I say or suffer the wrath of…not doing what I say….
[That moment when you realize you’ll never be an A-list villain.]

B: I can’t get the crackers out.
Me: There is already an open package.
B: I know, but I can’t get them out without cracking them. Why do you think they’re called *crackers*?

B: It’s weird how Arkansas is pronounced without the s. It’s Arkansaw instead of Arkansauce.

Blake fell on the stairs AGAIN earlier tonight. We went up a few minutes ago to go to the bathroom.
B: I’m going the speed less than slow.
Me: Isn’t that stop?

B: Mama, cuddling is the key to life.

Blake was explaining me to how 60 plus 60 equals 120, and by “explaining,” I mean he was dissecting it for me. Then:
“I’m a boy genius! And my head is too heavy.”
My kid is Jimmy Neutron.

J: Listen to this. I’m going to silently go up the stairs.

We were hearing weird sounds and I finally determined they were coming from outside, and none of the computers were going to explode.
Me: It’s just crickets or tree frogs or something.
B: Is it those bugs that start with “and?”
Me: Uh…
J: What?
B: You know, those bugs in the Twilight Forest?
J: Not ones that start with “and.” Why would you think those are real?
B, so insistent he was nodding while speaking: Because *you* told me! You told me they’re real.
J, having a lightbulb moment: Cicadas?
B: Yes! Those!
See, mind-reading brother to the rescue again.