Kid Quotes (10/31)

B: I’m tired.
Me: Go take a nap.
B: Not that kind of tired. I’m sweaty. That kind of tired.
Because playing Minecraft is sweaty work.

B: You know why I haven’t been wearing my tennis shoes? Please don’t be mad at me. It’s because they have quicksand all over them.
Me: …

Blake kept asking questions like, “How old will I be when you’re twenty?” and “Will you move out as soon as soon as you’re twenty?” Jack finally told him, “Don’t worry about that stuff for years. Just enjoy being able to be weird in public without being arrested.”

Me, still trying to convince the boy we’re not going to drown in our yard: See, the water is flowing down the street, down the hill.
B: Yep. It’s just minding it’s own business.

B: Daddy and me are going to the Waffle House.
Me: Okay. Have fun. I’m going to have some oatmeal.
B: Don’t start a fire.
Me: I’ll do my best.
B: You’re a high level of cook.
Apparently not, if my 6yo thinks I’m going to start a fire while cooking oatmeal.

Me: I’m going to take a shower. If someone rings the doorbell, just stay here and watch your show. Don’t yell and don’t go to the door.
B: But don’t I need to tell them that an adult’s not accessible?
Me: No. They’ll figure that out when no one answers the door.

While watching Star Trek:
“They’re a hedonistic society.”
Jack: I’m pretty sure that means they’re peaceful, right?
Me: Uh…it means that they only live for pleasure.
Jack: So they really like ice cream, right?
Me: Uh…Sure.

B: The more the cheese, the more the better.
I think he was trying to say. “The more cheese, the better.” I think I like his version better. (Or more the better.)

B: What’s the grouch?
Me: Like Oscar the Grouch?
B; No, like the Christmas grouch.
Me: That’s the grinch.

Me: Next Wednesday, we’re going on a field trip to a movie studio and a cemetery.
B: Mama, you do know that a cemetery is the building next to a graveyard?
Me: No, the cemetery is the graveyard.
B: A graveyard during the day is even scarier. At night, all the tombstones are there and at day, half the tombstones disappear, and you know, zombies and stuff.
Me: No.

Finally got around to making bacon pancakes.
B: They’re awesome!
J: It sounds like they’d be really good, but it’s really just crunchy surrounded by a lot of grease.

Earlier we were having a conversation that involved Wolverine, zombies, and vampires.
J: What would happen if he couldn’t get any air?
Me: Wait. Who?
J: Wolverine. But he probably couldn’t regenerate from that. What happens when you don’t get any air?
Me: Your brain shuts down. Then the rest of your body starts shutting down because the brain controls everything.
J: Then you die.
Me: Yep.
B, to J: Your brain shut down. ‘Cuz when you’re a teenager your brain shuts down.

B, in a completely serious tone of voice: It comes down to this. Winner wins. Loser loses.

We’d spent the day at a pumpkin patch with our homeschool group. Jack had also spent the day griping because Blake wouldn’t leave him alone. So as soon as we got home, they sat down in the playroom floor to play Scrabble. (I don’t ask questions. Except when I do.) The game went well enough, considering neither of them had ever played before. Later, though, they were back to normal, and were fussing again. I was curious about what had brought about the Scrabble anomaly.
Me: So what brought on the whole playing-Scrabble-with-Blake thing? Where did that come from?
B: Me.
J: Yeah. Blake wanted to.
Me: Isn’t being nice to him a little out of character for you? (Jack going through puberty has really messed with their relationship.)
J: Well, he wanted to play, and I thought I’d just teach him how to play. Then I realized I didn’t know how to play.

Jack was trying to tell me about some kind of emergency thing in Minecraft.
J: You know how there are those things that say, “Break glass in case of emergency,” and they have, like, an ax or a fire hydrant in them?
Me: Well, they don’t usually put fire hydrants behind glass, but carry on.