Kid Quotes (6/30)

I went to put some washcloths in the cabinet and found a wet washcloth half-folded/half-wadded up on the shelf.
Me: Blake? We don’t put wet washcloths back in the cabinet.
B: I didn’t know.
Me: What do you usually see me do with wet washcloths?
He makes a flattening motion with his hand.
Me: I straighten them out and put them over the tub, right?
Nods his head.
Me: So no more wadding up wet washcloths and putting them back in the cabinet, right?
B: I tried to fold it up.
Somehow I get the feeling that he missed the point.

Blake was right in my face and said, “Why do you have three eyes?”
“I don’t silly. And it’s a good thing or my glasses would be even more expensive.”
“You’d have to get glasses and one of those things mayors wear.”
“Who wears?”
“Mayors. You know those guys who own the city.”
You heard it here first. All mayors own the city and wear monocles.

Of course I had to ask Blake where he got the idea that mayors wear monocles. And of course that conversation went nothing like I anticipated.
Me: So what makes you think Mayors wear monocles?
Rolls his eyes like he does when he’s embarrassed.
Me: No, it’s okay. I’m just curious. Which mayors wear monocles?
B: I think about fifty of them.
Me: Oh yeah?
B: Yeah. And probably about twenty-five don’t.
I nod, because I’m speechless.
B: Yeah. I think about fifty wear them and twenty-five don’t. I don’t know which ones, though. I should look that up.

B: He vanished out of thin air.

Blake was looking for his sandals, and he hasn’t worn them in quite a while. “Oh, yeah! They outgrew me!”

B: I don’t listen to you because you’re smart.
Me: um…what?
B: you’re really smart.
Me: okay.
B: I don’t listen to you because you’re smart.
Not smart enough, apparently, because I have no idea what he was trying to say.

B: Mama, I’m lucky to have you as my mama.
I’m going to print that out, have him sign it, and hang it on the wall. 😉

Not to be too graphic, but when did diarrhea become a verb? Blake is recovering (hopefully, please!) from a stomach virus. But he doesn’t “have diarrhea”. He tells me, “I diarrheaed again.”

I used to make shepherd’s pie all the time, and the boys loved it. Then they didn’t. Last time I made it, Blake got all excited when I told him we were having shepherd’s pie until he saw it and realized it was “that stuff” and wasn’t really pie. Tonight, I needed a way to use up some potatoes before they went bad, so I made shepherd’s pie. I figured they’d either eat or I’d have leftovers for lunch.
B: What are we having for supper?
Me: Shepherd’s pie.
B: Does it have the stuff you usually put in it?
Me: Meat, corn, and mashed potatoes. Yep.
B: I love shepherd’s pie!
And they both ate every bit of it without a complaint. I didn’t dare remind them they don’t like it. Excuse me while I bang my head against the wall.

B: The smaller the rock, the harder it is to carry it on your foot.
Apparently, the small rocks fall between your toes.

There were two pancakes left.
B: Hey, Jeffrey, how ’bout we split them both in half?
How ’bout you just each take one? LOL

After finishing his supper of chicken, rice, and mushrooms, Blake turned to me with a big grin on his face and said, “I ate all my fungus!”

At the beginning of what became the longest game of Monopoly Junior ever, Blake asked how much money we were starting with.
“I don’t know. Count it.”
After counting, “Thirty-one dollars! That’s too much money for a kid!”

J: Can we have fancy sandwiches for supper?
Me: I don’t even know what that means.
J: Fancy sandwiches. Like with lettuce and tomatoes.
Me: Uh…okay.
So we had bacon sandwiches. Fancy bacon sandwiches. More commonly known as BLTs.

Me: Okay. The last things we need to get are Kleenex and cashews.
J: So we need tissues and cashews.

J: What if Jesus had been born in a different year? If he had been born after 1BC, would it be like negative BC or something?
Blank stare.
He’s still expecting an answer.
Me: I…don’t understand the question.
J: How would they say what year Jesus was born if he’d been born after 1BC?
Me, sputtering: The dates aren’t from the beginning of time up to Jesus’s birth. The dates start at his birth and go backward.
J: Why didn’t someone tell me that?