Kid Quotes (8/14)

A while back, Chick-Fil-A was giving away plastic brain sections (not as gross as it sounds) with their kids’ meals. We really don’t eat out very often, so Blake only ended up with one piece. Jack mentioned that he had the same issue when he was little, except his was a space station. B didn’t quite get it, so he asked if J had another piece of the brain. “No, I didn’t have a brain when I was little….Wait. That’s not what I meant….”

Jack was telling me about building a giant creeper in Minecraft. He said he was going to have to either make it larger than he intended or take it apart, because he had messed something up and its butt was too big. “Yeah, he made the big atestine too big.”

J likes to watch Minecraft videos on YouTube. Apparently there is a Hunger Games theme that some users have developed. He was watching one of the videos one day when B asked him, “Why are you watching the Hungry Games videos?”

We were having chicken one night, and J said, “I’m mining for meat.”
Me: So it’s Meatcraft.
J, laughing: Was that supposed to be a joke?
Me: You laughed.
J, still smiling: Yeah, it was funny at first, but it doesn’t keep being funny.
So, there are joke bombs, the ones that take a few seconds to sink in, and there are expiring jokes, those that are only funny for a second or two. Who knew?

J: Must I spill something on me every time I eat?
Me: I don’t know. Must you?
J: Apparently I must because I do.

Jack is terrified of bugs and spiders. When Blake was younger, he would kill them for Jack, but now he’s as scared as Jack. (Yay for learned fears.) Anyway, I’m not always available to kill the latest invader, nor do I want them to get to the point at which they can’t handle such things, so I encourage them (strongly) to take care of the bugs themselves. (I must add that while bugs are not tolerated inside, we never kill bugs or spiders outside. That is their home, and there, we’re the invaders.) They both refuse to get bug guts on their shoes, so they use mine. However, they don’t want to see or pick up the dead item, so they just leave it. Under my shoe. So every time I’m missing a shoe, I have to ask, “Where is the dead bug?”, go retrieve my shoe, and deal with the carnage.

Blake doesn’t like to be in a room by himself. Part of it may be his age, but I think a big cause is the upheaval caused by the divorce. Any time he goes to another room, he wants someone to go with him, just to be there. One day he wanted to do something, and while trying to convince Jack to switch rooms with him, told him, “I need to be watched.”

The other night, Blake grabbed a plain white t-shirt out of his closet to put on before he went to bed.
“One time at Daddy’s (singing) I had a barbecue stain on my white t-shirt.”

I’m not sure exactly what brought it on, but the boys were playing a game on, and B just said, “That is pretty disturbing.” I have to stop reading to that kid.

B pulled The Swan Princess video from the shelf and told me he wanted to watch “The Swamp Princess”.

As we walked through the soda aisle, Jack exclaimed, “Hey, RC Cola! We can have RC Colas and Twinkies!”
Shaking my head, “Dude, you fail the Southern Boy Test.”
Then after we get home (with Moon Pies, NOT Twinkies), Blake asks, “Can I have a Moo Pie now?”

Oh, and this one I am totally stealing. I was waiting at the DMV to renew my license and a little five-year-old girl was there with her dad. She was absolutely adorable and had us all cracking up. She wanted to “change” her daddy into something scary, so she used her magic to turn him into a “goblet”.

B snuggled up to me in bed.
Me: You’re sweaty.
B: I have a sweat issue.
Me: Do you?
B: Apparently.

Blake has started reading random stuff.
Me: When did you get so smart?
B: A few weeks ago.

The bedside clock was blinking. Blake looked at it and said, ” Hey, clock, let’s have a staring contest.”
After a few seconds, he said, “You blinked. I win.”
And all this time I thought he was being funny unintentionally.

B: I want to snuggle with you. But I want to sleep with Jack.
Me: you can just snuggle for a minute.
B: but what if I fall asleep?
Me: then I’ll carry you to bed.
B: But I want to be awake sleeping with Jack!

Me: I don’t like writing negative reviews.
B: Naked reviews!?!
Me: Um, no.
Although that might bring more traffic.