We’re back again with the Discover Fantasy Tour! Today I’m featuring Jonathan Gould, author of Doodling, Flidderbugs, and Magnus Opum. One of Jonathan’s characters heard that I let David’s folks come on here Monday and wanted his own time, too. And frankly, I was afraid to say no to him. I don’t have time to be cooked and eaten today.
Help me welcome the Blerchherchh from Magnus Opum. (Quickly, please.)
Blerchherchh is a pretty unusual kind of name. Can you tell us how you came by it?
Beats me. For some reason, whenever people saw me, they always made these choking kinds of noises in their throats, as if they found me repulsive and sickening to look at. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear they were afraid of me. They just kept on doing it for so long that eventually everyone must have decided that was my name. Seems a bit harsh to me. Then again, maybe if I didn’t try to eat them, they might have given me a nicer sounding name.
Tell us a little about yourself.
I’m mean and evil. Cruel and utterly vile. I have a ravenous appetite which is never satisfied. I am vicious and heartless and show no mercy to any of my victims. Also, I’m a whiz with a skillet and a genius with a crockpot. I’m the master of the frying pan and the champion of the broiler. In fact, at the risk of sounding immodest, I’d have to say my cooking techniques are second to none.
Are there any other Blerchherchh’s or are you the only one?
Oh yes, there used to be lots. But I ate them all.
Magnus Opum is full of all sorts of weird and wonderful creatures. Can you tell us a little about some of them?
Of course. There are the Cherines, who taste wonderful marinated in a red wine sauce. There are Doosies who I love to have wrapped up in filo pastry. There are Pharsheeth, and my favourite way to have them is to dice and slice them and season them with summer herbs. There are Kertoobis who make the tastiest petit-fours. And there are also Glurgs, who can be a bit dry and stringy, but when I’m feeling hungry I generally don’t complain.
If you weren’t a character in a fantasy novel, what would you be?
I’m sure I could be a chef in a five-star Michelin restaurant. I’d love cooking up haute-cuisine for the most discriminating diners, and then afterwards I’d eat the most discriminating diners for dessert. Or I could be on one of those cooking competition shows. If the judges don’t like my dishes, I think I’d eat them. Actually, if the judges liked my dishes, I’d eat them anyway. Yum.
Tell us a little about your world.
I live in the dingy, dungy Drungledum valley. What more can I say about it? It’s dingy and dungy. Not many people ever come into it, which is a shame as I really love company. Even fewer people go out of it.
What’s the best part about being a Blerchherchh?
I’m big and strong. I’m the giantest, meanest, most utterly terrifying beast in all of the world. Also, I have three mouths which is really handy, because I can eat with two of them while making big, loud, scary noises with the other one.
What’s the worst part?
People don’t like to play with me. I don’t seem to have any friends. I had one once. He was delicious.
You sound like a thoroughly unpleasant character. Ever thought about trying to be a bit nicer?
Often. Sometimes I think the world would be a better place if we all showed each other a bit more love and consideration, and we didn’t try to eat each other all the time. There’s just too much hate and fear and violence in the world. If we tried really hard, I’m sure we could find ways to get along…Oh who am I kidding? I like me just the mean, rotten, scary way I am.
Do you have any suggestions for your creator, Jonathan Gould?
Yes. I’m coming to get you, now.
Um, well. Okay then. Let’s go check out the other stops on the tour while we still can.