Kid Quotes

The boys were eating chips and I heard Bennett say, “I get three because I’m three and you get two because you’re…ten.”

A few minutes later, Bennett’s yelling, “Jeff-wey! You’re not sharing!” Confused, as usual, I reminded him, “Bennett, you’re holding the bag.”

Bennett: I like polly trees.
Me: What?
Bennett: I like polly trees.
Me: Pollen trees?
Bennett: Yes. They’re pretty.
I have no idea how he distinguishes polly trees from any other trees.

He did keep asking for a tissue because, “The spot on my nose is pollen.” So it’s possible his eyesight is better than mine.

Jeffrey lost a tooth the other night. Actually, he swallowed it and we had to ask for a special dispensation from the Tooth Fairy. He was excited to see that she stopped by last night, but wondered, “How do parents tell the Tooth Fairy there’s a tooth? Do they text or something?”

I was getting a plastic bag from under the shelf in the bathroom when I realized Bennett was standing beside me in the doorway. I didn’t think anything about it, but apparently he thought I was going to say something because he told me, “I already peed. I’m just standing here because I love you.”

Which reminds me of what he told me after playing on a wet slide on Saturday. “Mama, my shorts are wet from the slide, not from my penis.”

Jeffrey to Bennett: You look like Elvis. Do you know who Elvis is?
Bennett: No.
Jeffrey: Some dead guy.

Jeffrey to Bennett: You’re my little sidekick.
Bennett: I didn’t kick anybody!

As we drove along a spot on the highway, Jeffrey informed me that a few weeks ago, there was a dead beaver there. Roadkill beaver? From where?
Me: Are you sure it was a beaver?
Jeffrey: Yes. It was brown and had big teeth and a flat tail with thingies on it.
Me: Why would a beaver be on the road here? (Meaning, no water nearby.)
Jeffrey, who apparently misunderstood me: Why? Don’t beavers cross roads?
Me: Apparently not very well.

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