9/11

The kids went with their dad today to hang out with the grandparents, so I thought I’d get something done for a change. The first thing I wanted to do was add feedburner to all three of my blogs. While I was struggling through that, I was flipping back and forth to facebook and email. Of course, 9/11 tributes are all over facebook. So, instead of working, I’ve been sitting in front of the computer crying most of the day. That was productive.
Of course, everyone old enough remembers where they were when they found out about the attack. I was working in downtown Atlanta on the 11th floor of one of the Peachtree Center buildings. I was pregnant at the time and part of my morning routine was to head downstairs to the food court and Atlanta Bread Company and get a blueberry muffin for breakfast. There was a TV posted by the elevators on the mall level, and as far as I can remember, it was always turned to the news. That morning, I got my muffin and got back to the elevator in time to see the coverage of the first plane hitting the Tower in New York. No one realized yet what was going on, and it kind of spooked me a little because I was working in a tall building near one of the country’s busiest airports. I didn’t watch long, but went back upstairs. I was supposed to be working, after all, not watching the news. I went back to the office and mentioned it to a few people, but it was a busy accounting firm and we weren’t really sitting around reading news on the internet, so we didn’t really know what was going on until one of the other administrative assistants got a call from her mom. Her mom was in a panic and wanted her daughter to leave work and come home. That’s when we found out there was more than one plane. I made it through the rest of the day in stunned disbelief and went home to watch the coverage. Like everyone else, I just couldn’t believe it. And I was just weeks from bringing a baby in this suddenly terrifying world.  I didn’t know until much later, but I had a cousin working in the Pentagon that day. I’m so glad I didn’t know he was there until I knew he was safe. I can’t imagine the pain of the families who were left wondering.
I stopped watching the news years ago, but I watched the Ground Zero coverage constantly for… I don’t know how long. Every time they would pull another survivor from the rubble, I just knew there would be more. And then there weren’t. I just kept watching day after day, waiting and getting more and more anxious. I was having nightmares and eventually I knew I had to stop watching. There would be no more survivors. It had been too long. And it had been. They didn’t pull any more survivors out.
From time to time, my husband will watch something on the History Channel about 9/11. I can’t watch it. I don’t know why I’ve spent all morning on this. I guess I didn’t realize how hard it would hit me after all this time and I didn’t even know anyone who was lost in the attacks. I suppose I just needed to get this out. I write. It’s what I do. Maybe not always well, but it’s how I express myself. Now my kids are home and I need to go give them hugs.

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